Category Archive: Breast Cancer

LoveandHope

Happy Anniversary, #BewbLuv

Yesterday was an anniversary of sorts!! I know most people would tell me to celebrate and well, that is tempting! I have a lot to celebrate and to be grateful for.  Only this is a bittersweet day….

 One year ago, while in NY celebrating Social Media Week with all my friends, I was actually sitting in Dr. AKME’s office.   Getting my clear check! This was my final blood draw, my final mammogram and the last time to use the horrid port still in my chest!!

It had been almost a year to the day when I discovered Morte while on a conference trip to Chicago!!

Chicago Feb 2012

Chicago Feb 2012

And, in the blink of an eye, I was battling, fighting and my whole world was spun! Then, it was over and I was shedding the side effects of chemo, I was starting again, I was slowly reclaiming my life back from the whole #BewbLuv journey.

A few nail biting hours later and #BewbLuv was OVER. That’s right, the first stage of this changed life of mine was starting.  It’s very strange and surreal feeling.  This weight was lifted and the fog was clearing and I suddenly found myself in a world that was foreign.

New York Feb 2013

New York Feb 2013

I didn’t know how to feel, I still don’t know how to feel! A good friend of mine, was quick to tell me all throughout #bewbluv and is still telling me, I am not my cancer. I am NOT my cancer.

It’s true, I am not, my cancer.  Only, it became a catalyst of sorts.  I am not the same person I was last year or even the year before.  Of course, we are all constantly changing, never the same people from day to day.  The changes I see in myself are all tied to my cancer, the good, the bad and the krazy.  The #BewbLuv journey has profoundly and significantly changed me.  And, I have discovered that while the disease is gone, it’s not over. It never will be, not only do I carry the scars, I carry a new perspective on humanity, a coloured view of the World and my place in it.

Like most major experiences, in one’s life this experience has left me befuddled and confused and happy.  Funny, right, HAPPY, it’s true, though, I am happy and grateful. Add into the mix the residual side effects of the chemo, and I struggle each day to know who I am.  Somedays, I am angry, somedays I am giddy and while, I am not lost exactly, I am not on a specific path and spend a good deal of time getting comfortable and confident with the person I am becoming.  AWKWARD

I know all my friends will be sending me well wishes and congratulations for my new anniversary! And, for that I am so grateful! You all are wonderful and I am honoured for your support and encouragement. I know for a fact that without you, I would not have done as well as I did, I would not have been as strong and courageous as I was without you!!  Thank you

Phoenix Feb 2014

Phoenix Feb 2014

Not Quite How I was Planning My Next Tattoo and #BewbLuv Moves Forward

Yup, that's a whole group of #cmgr's throwin the #HashTag down!!

Yup, that’s a whole group of #cmgr’s throwin the #HashTag down!!

Soo, a few weeks ago, I headed back to NY… technically I was there for Social Media week and #cmgrUN! And they were awesome! I will be writing about #cmgrUN over on My Community Manager! The trip to NY also, included my check up appointment for my bewbs! Deep Breath

I procrastinated making my appointment, dreaded that call.. it had been almost 60days since I stopped the chemo.  My body had almost stopped hating me for injecting all the horrible drugs, my war with food was mostly over and I just needed Dr. AKME to sign off, to give me magical words…

Only, it turns out there are no magical words. Once you have CANCER, you are always at risk, there is no magical phrase that makes it better.  I move from patient to survivor. I am not ok with this.  There are no good words for any of this.  I heard words, like negative, benign, recurrence, chances are… not you are cured, this is over.  *sigh*

So, the appointment, went well… I have gained back most of the weight lost thanks to the lovely chemo and eating only scrambled eggs and Ben and Jerry’s for months.  They took the blood, did the mammogram and those tests came back benign negative!! WooT! I knew all this, I knew my surgeon did a fantastic job and got all the visible cancer.  And, she even managed to keep the scars loverly and non-visible! Dr. AKME admired her work and even mentioned how symmetrical the girls are.  I know, all superficial but for me, that was good to hear after months of looking at my Chemo ravaged body!!! Did you see, I even haz hair!!!

Special thanks, to Jay Bryant for this amazing pic!!

Special thanks, to Jay Bryant for this amazing pic!!

Now, what’s next… Radiation!! For a whole 24hours, I thought I wasn’t going to have to do this, I thought, I was done.  Only, I was a bit premature in this thinking.  With my type of cancer, my diagnosis and my age… radiation is a must!! Why? Coz, of my age, coz of the type of cancer! Upside….

The radiation offices have this

How can you dislike a Dr. office that has this!!

How can you dislike a Dr. office that has this!!

I was in awe and shock after walking into the offices buried deep down in the Financial District, after the horrors of my mammogram ( that is a whole nother story) I was leery and a little bit bitter when I arrived.  However, the staff… AMAZING, the offices, GORGEOUS, my new Dr. and Tech, there are no words!! And, y’all know me, I am not frequently speechless.  I’m going to call new Dr, Dr. RAD… she sat me down, laid it out for me.  She told me I wasn’t special.  The statistics of recurrence not in my favor.  I needed to start radiation.  Good news, I don’t have to have much and the side-effects are minimal.  In fact, only 33 days.  Not such a random number, it’s every day for 10min.  And, they get me there. They go above and beyond to make you comfortable, to make the experience painless and completely tailored to you. It’s all about the patient!!

This was waiting for me, it was soft & comfy and perfect!!

This was waiting for me, it was soft & comfy and perfect!!

So much so, they were able to do the initial set up while I was there.  Dr. RAD sent me off for coffee and when I came back, the Tech was able to get me in, take pics, give me my tattoos! Yup, I was put into this machine, I was x-ray’d and tattooed*! They are goin to focus the radiation where Morte was and then my lymph nodes where minute cancerous cells were found! This will, hopefully, prevent recurrence!!

Two itty bitty tattoo dots where the radiation rays will focus!!

Two itty bitty tattoo dots where the radiation rays will focus!!

MRI machine, this will help them focus radiation

MRI machine, this will help them focus radiation

 

 

 

 

 

 

So… this week, I will be in Austin attending #SXSWi with @Nestivity and @Rawporter! Next week, I will be starting a different gig, ya more about that later!! While, I am looking for a place to live in NY starting the first of April.

*This was not how or where, I was planning on getting my second tattoo! However, they do look like freckles and I haz those, so I’m not going to count these, I have decided!! So, I am still planning for my 2nd tattoo!

 

The End of #BewbLuv… Sorta

As promised, here is the down, dirty and ugly of the last several months!! Once in NY and finally getting into a treatment program, new doctor and restarting Chemo. It all went pretty fast. By fast, I mean, I consistently got sicker and sicker!!

The Dr. in NY, I’ll call her Dr. Almost Killed Me but Didn’t Mean It or Dr. AkMe for short was brillz!! I went from the not going to help you at all hospital to the amazing wonderful Ralph Lauren Breast Cancer Center! Where everyone was nice, remembered me, bent over backwards to help or even just empathize while not being pitying or condescending!!

Dr. AkMe changed up my treatments a little, I was originally scheduled for 2 differ chemo treatments( that means 4 injections of 2 different types of medicines) over 4mos and she finished the first treatment with no changes, she changed the second treatment a little to accommodate for my health.  See, I totally, am an over achiever, I really rocked all the side affects of chemo!! YEA ME! That meant, I was sick as a dog, well, actually sicker…. Treatment was fast-tracked ( That was my bright idea, I don’t recommend it) So, I went to treatment every other week with blood work every week.  I steadily lost 5lbs each week, a concern for Dr. AkMe not so much for me.  It was only at the end, when you could count my ribs that the loosing weight became an issue.  My immune system consistently crashed.  That was to be expected and once again I felt the need to over achieve and made sure mine barely registered!! *sigh*  I was consistently fighting not only keeping any food down but also, dehydration.  Then the fight, got harder…

The second round of chemo was meant to attack my bone marrow and sure as sh*t, it totally did, so while I had finally stopped throwing up ALL the time, now I was dealing with excruciating pain in my joints and bones! Fortunately, Dr. AkMe anticipated this (she is really smart) and upped my pain meds.  During all this, I was pretty much on lock-down except for the horrifying Cab rides to treatment!! By the way, Cabbies totally stop FAST when you tell them you have to throw up!!

I realize now, I can throw in my quirky sense of humour and even smile.  However, at that time… not only was I struggling with being so incredibly, physically sick…. it ( the Chemo, being Sick) had started to affect my mind, my spirit.  I struggled on a daily basis with memory loss, crying jags and the occasional temper tantrum.  I was consistently forgetting things, conversations and since I basically slept 20hours a day I was up at odd hours.  Not to mention, I was pretty much confined to bed, since I was totally doped on pain meds or nauseous or just plain to weak!! I really didn’t want to talk to people at all.

I know and felt all the concern from all of you, your thoughts and your respectfulness of trying to find out how to help without overstepping and THANK YOU!! I am humbled, honoured and overwhelmed with all of you.  Altho, during those dark months, I was consistently angry and bitter at you.  I didn’t want to share any of that with you, not until it was ME and not the DRUGS.  Yes, I was on so much medication that I wasn’t sure anymore what was Sparkly me and what was Hideous me.  I resented your health, your happy lives and how things moved forward for you while I was stuck, consumed with Doctors, drugs and the failings of my body & mind! I wrestled with feelings of shame, remorse and bitterness constantly. And, let’s not forget the WHINING! I was so disgusted with myself, my body and my lack of being able to see the end, So much so, that I walked away from everyone.

After the last treatment, I left NY.  I needed a warmer place where I wouldn’t be tempted to go out and socialize once I started to feel better ( We all know that I totally would have, too).  I needed to get my head back.  I didn’t wanted to leave at all, leaving felt like failure.  It was necessary, I wasn’t in a good place and I was completely unemployed and living on my savings.  And, go figure, Cancer is freakin’ expensive!! Even with all the help from Ralph Lauren.

I was struggling with who I am, trying to figure out what I wanted to do and reconcille myself to the lost period.  I needed first to sleep for weeks and work the rest of the drugs out of my system.  I did that.  I managed to end my war with food and start eating again.  Some foods still make me nauseous, others don’t taste right and some I just find icky.  But, we are happy together again! And, Hullo COFFEE!!  That’s right, I was off coffee.  That was most sad.

I wasn’t ready to share my story.  I wasn’t ready to see where you are with your lives.  I wasn’t ready to make any decisions.  Now, I am ready to share my story.  I am loving where all your lives have taken you.  The decisions are still hard.  I still get angry.  I still have gaps in my memory or can’t remember something I know, I know.  And, basically, all of my plans, hopes and wants have changed and I don’t know who I am.  The Cancer & treatment, took over my life, me.  I fought it and denied it but it did anyways.  Saving my Bewbs became all consuming, so much so it became who I am.  I don’t want to be that person.  I will always be a Cancer survivor, in fact, last year will become a defining year in my life.  Only, instead of Breast Cancer defining me, I am going define its role in my life.  I am going to continue to write about it, support those who need it and advocate for foundations that are supporting this community of brave women and their families!

Lucky for me, I am well loved.  Not only am I loved but I am loved by extraordinary people.  These people, my friends, most I consider my family, know ME.  They are stepping up and showing me who I am, that I am ok and holding my hand while I dip my toes back into the world of the living.  Well, I was dipping my toes then just decided to dive right back in by attending #NMX and #CES!!

What’s next?? Several things… I am job hunting, looking for a community management role somewhere. I go back to Dr. AkMe for a check up.  I probably don’t need any more treatment but may need to take medication for the next few years to prevent the Cancer from coming back.  I will be heading back to New York.  I am back partnering with Tim McDonald and MyCommunityManager, producing our #cmgrUN conference series for 2013.  I am also, working with Sam Fiorella and Danny Brown with their new book Influence Marketing launch/tour in May!!

If you need a quick catch up… go here and here!!

Help Needed, Please Don’t Apply

I have been putting off this post, well, actually, I’ve written it out a few different times and in a few different ways and it never sounded right, never felt right. I have finally just decided it’s never going to sound or feel right.

I started chemo again, after a very long and complicated break, with much thanks and some amazing wonderful people, I was able to get into the right program (I’m unisured, remember) and start my chemo again.  And, damn, if it didn’t just kick my ass and throw me down.  It was horrible and tomorrow, I go again.  I can’t even tell you how much I am dreading it.  Each time, I think I’m ready for the drugs, that I am prepared, I’m not.

Sadly, I wish, the drugs were my only obstacle.  The reason, I have not shared or been open.  I have been hiding.  Hiding my shame, my anger and my bitter disappointment.  In myself.  Shame, that I’m not coping well with this last round of chemo, anger that my body, the meds are destroying everything.  Hiding while I try to figure who I am, what I am doing.  Disappointment is a funny thing, it becomes harsher as it’s directed at ourselves and our internal voices perceive it so largely the negative vibes can no longer be shaken off.

I never wanted to be consumed by my treatments, have my health and medical take the drivers seat in my life, yet, that is exactly what happened.  I realize that I am lucky, that this won’t last forever… In fact, I have one last treatment of the Red Devil and then I switch treatments and will be done with chemo mid-November!! Woot, rite?

Yes, that is a good thing. Only, I am struggling.  Struggling with what the drugs are doing to me, the ironies of the medicine that is supposed to be healing me, is slowly eating away at my mind, stealing what health my body had and is carving into the person that I am and turning me into someone I don’t know.   I don’t know who I am anymore.

The Chair

That is more frightening to me then the Cancer ever was.  It’s not about having “Chemo Brain” and forgetting milk at the store or lunch with a friend, it’s not about throwing up in the nearest trash can on 6th Ave or Central Park or in the Subway station ( actually, not as bad as it sounds, NY has lots of trash cans), it’s not even the fact that I “forget”to temper my tongue and speak my mind before I filter it.  I struggle with everyday things, with what my body tells me versus what my mind wants to do.  I can no longer tell what is the drugs and what is me.  I fight with myself constantly, pushing harder and then giving in. Tamping down feelings and temper tantrums, only to have a single outburst over a silly thing and crying jags.

It’s a lot, I’m going through a lot.  My mind acknowledges this.  My body hates it.  I despise it.  There is a lot of confusion in my head and a lot of screaming (as one’s inner voice can only do)!! There is no shame in my weakness, yet I am overwhelmed with it.  I turn down offers of help, not because I don’t appreciate them but because I don’t know what to do with them, I don’t know how to ask for what I am looking for… I don’t know!! Yea, that’s a lot of I don’t knows coz guess what… I don’t know and that is agonizing for me.

It is no longer enough to talk with my friends, to turn to twitter for amusement and cheering up.  I feel myself withdrawing, spending more time in my head and that is not a good thing.  I am spinning in this never ending tilt-a-whirl that is full of sickness and confusion.

Now, before, y’all get your knickers in a bunch and start in on me… I have already come to the conclusion that it’s time for help.  I’m crazy and while I occasionally do stupid things, I’m not dumb.  I, also, know it’s going to take some time to get my groove back and become balanced. That forevermore, my life is changed and change is good.  Even though currently, the changes are bleak and dismal.

I don’t know what is going to happen over the next few days, since I have chemo in the morning and I’m ok with that I’m well stocked in Jello and sprite (Both of which, I really, really don’t like) Hmmmm, I wonder if I could find someone to make me some Jello Jigglers maybe that would make it more palatable!!

Soo much fun!!

 

Not So Easy, Being Bald!!

Below is the post I wrote a few days ago and then held onto, rather than publishing right away.  I was trying to find some sort of comfort level, some sort of way to deal.  I realize, that I can at any time withdraw from the public, to say this is to much and y’all would understand,  not only did I not understand what the full extent of what I was going to endure, in turn, I wasn’t able to see what being fully open would be.  But, to stop now, would be too easy.  And, y’all know, I hardly do things the easy way.  

I have come to accept and even embrace my newfound baldness, at least mostly.  It did take some time and even some tears!! Many of you have seen pics over the last few days of me out with friends, below find more!!

Today, for the first time, the reality of Cancer has set in.  Before, I could ignore it, it wasn’t visible, I could cover the scars, will it away, sleep it away… pretend.  Now, I look in the mirror and see the ravages it’s wrecked upon my body, I hear the rattle of multitudes of pills in my purse. I see the stares from people. I am uncomfortable and awkward to be out in public and the public is equally awkward and uncomfortable with me.  .

A few days ago…. in two different conversations, I admitted not only the abject terror of going through chemo, and I am a total coward but also, the fact that I am so public about it. In one conversation, a friend asked if my writing about everything was cathertic. My answer “Hellz NO” in fact, it’s gut wrenching, to the point of humilating.  To be so open about something so personal, something that not only affects me but my family and friends, is agonizing.  I am so incredibly private and to bare everything in this way, to the world leaves me bleeding and gaping after each post, each comment.

Soooo, why?

I ask myself, every single day. I have started this and it must be done.  It is as simple as that.

I did not foresee nor expect, that I would unravel before your eyes, that each post would be tortureous to pull from mind.  That how I felt about myself would so completely affect… EVERYTHING! I feel guilty for whining about silly things, that are shallow and vain…. I hate myself for being the worlds biggest bitch to my bestest friends for no reason other than I am.  Not that I am a bitch but it would appear that at times I become stark-raving-bitch for no other reason than someone trying to help!!

Y’all are wonderfully supportive and if occasionally it takes me a few days to update you, it’s coz I need some time to adjust, I need to step back, step away.  I am taking a moment to try to understand what is me, what is the drugs and what is.  I never meant for this cancer to be such a major factor in my life, my day to day, yet at every turn, every step, I feel it and ache with the changes I can see and feel.  I didn’t and don’t want to define my life by this and yet, I see that I must.  I must acknowledge the impact it is having, see the looks of my children as they watch and see the affects of their lives as well.

The looks of the strangers are just as bad.  With some, I see looks of understanding and empathy as they recognize the visible port in my chest, the others just stare.  Not unkindly, just awkwardly.  Actually, there is a lot of awkward all the way round!! People not knowing what to say, people trying to say the right things and bumbling and even the uncomfortableness of those that don’t know what to say and are wondering in their heads if they even have to say anything!! Yes!! It’s ok to not say a thing, in fact, please let’s not talk about it.  I never thought I would say this but I really am sick of talking about my bewbs.  I don’t want you to be awkward or uncomfortable, do what feels right for you.  If you need to talk about it, then let’s chat, if you see I am fine then leave it… I will warn you, if you are sneezy, coughy or even remotely looking Germy with Ick Cootie bugs, I’m probably not going to hug you!!

Sooo… as I promised, y’all sufficiently entertained me yesterday… here are new pics and will soon be on all my Avi’s across the board

Also, silver lining…. I won’t have to shave my legs all Summer!! That right there is soooo utterly awesome!

Out for Coffee!!

 

Workin on my Tan!!

Hanging with the fab Jure!!!

Vanity Time-Out: A New List

Sooo…. I should be telling you all about the cross journey trip we took, #WestmovesEast coz it totally rocked and was incredible and maybe about all neato stuff I’ve been doing since I’ve landed in NY and y’all are probably wondering about my bewbies…

That will all come later, for now I need your help!! I have started a list about all the wonderful things about being bald.  You see, I knew it was coming and that it was going to happen. However, the knowing and the reality are kinda throwing off my groove thing!! Just to catch up, I shaved my head.  When my hair started coming out in mass gobs that would put any hair ball to shame, I shaved it. No, there are no current pictures, there will be…. as soon as I get the cajones to take some.

Getting Shaved!! That's what's left of my hair....

It’s tru… I am taking a huge hit to my self esteem, to the way I carry myself and finding that it’s bugging me a lot more then I thought was possible.  I mean, it’s freakin hair…it will grow back.  So, while I struggle with the evil VANITY fairy that has attacked, can ya help me out???  Please add to or vote for the whys and haves of being bald!!

In return, I promise to take some uber cool pics and change all my avi’s and get ya’ll up to speed on the haps!!!

Good, Bad and the Bald
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Brandie McCallum

Good, Bad and the Bald

Why is good or bad to be bald???

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  1. 1  Your eyes will be that much more striking.

    Your eyes will be that much more striking.
  2. 2  Don't have to drop $350 for haircut and colour

    Don't have to drop $350 for haircut and colour
  3. 3  Doesn\'t take 45min to wash & style

    Doesn\'t take 45min to wash & style
  4. 4  I get to buy Groovy hats & wigs (YEA Shopping!!)

    I get to buy Groovy hats & wigs (YEA Shopping!!)
  5. 5  It's entirely possible you won't have to shave your legs - which means they'll be sexy smooth :)

    It's entirely possible you won't have to shave your legs - which means they'll be sexy smooth :)
  6. 6  Make A Wig for @SeanMcGinnis

    Make A Wig for @SeanMcGinnis

    Take the hair you've lost or cut and make a wig for Sean!! Or @josepf!! PLEASE

  7. 7  You can dress up as Evey Hammond every single day!

    You can dress up as Evey Hammond every single day!

    Directed by James McTeigue. With Hugo Weaving, Natalie Portman, Rupert Graves, Stephen Rea. A shadowy freedom fighter known only as "V" uses terrorist tactics to fight against his totalitarian society. Upon rescuing a girl from the secret police, he also finds his best chance at having an ally.

  8. 8  Your earrings will never be overlooked.

    Your earrings will never be overlooked.
  9. 9  You get to look more like Ric Dragon and Josepf Haslam (sans the facial hair)

    You get to look more like Ric Dragon and Josepf Haslam (sans the facial hair)
  10. 10  Rocking the Natalie Portman Look

    Rocking the Natalie Portman Look

    Own it, love it, be loved for it :)

  11. 11  Good because you will see first-hand that you are not your hair...

    Good because you will see first-hand that you are not your hair...

    ...not your beauty, not your age, not your gender, not your bank account, not your religion. You will begin to see who you truly are.

  12. 12  Low maintenance mornings

    Low maintenance mornings
  13. 13  You can be mysterious with those super chic scarves..

    You can be mysterious with those super chic scarves..

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To My Community, My Friends

I’ve started and stopped this particular post several times, changed the words and nothing I’ve said has seemed to be enough and perhaps it won’t ever be, for the only words I have are THANK YOU!!

Since, I shared my breast cancer with you, I’ve been met with nothing but support, strangers that are now friends, reaching out to me, emails, DM’s, phone calls, skype messages, text messages and even snail mail.  Y’all sure do know how to reach out across every single platform!!!

I have felt rather helpless, knowing that you wanted to help, wanted to offer support of more than just words and I  just didn’t know what I would need, I didn’t know how to let you help me.  And, of course, y’all being the smart, loving and caring people that you are… You found the best way possible. (With some gentle nudging from some of my best friends, a plan was concocted)

Each of you in your own way, let me know that I was loved, cared about and that I was important.  The Sunday afternoon and evening before Morte’s demise, #BewbLuv really started to take off as messages of support and well wishes started to poor in.

Dave Reynolds donned his pink dress, ready to wear it until I was out of surgery.

#PrettyinPink

Sam Fiorella, my colleague, friend and even sounding board, voluntarily gave up his coffee until I could once again enjoy it as well.  I know, Sam, I’ve seen Sam without coffee, I knew what a sacrifice that was and was completely blown away. Also, I’m sorry for anyone that dealt with Sam, sans coffee on Monday!!

In the early hours of Monday, as my friends on East Coast woke, more well wishes rolled in, as did the the wash of Pink across my facebook.  Then the most amazing thing, people started changing their Avi’s on Twitter & Facebook.  Thanks, to J.C, people were able to choose from several different avi’s!! A twibbon popped up.

One of my best friends, sent out his 100,000 to me, wishing me well.

 

As I headed into surgery, I was able to spend time reading the tweets but not respond to the mass amount of well wishes, hugs and love that was pouring in.  Not just from my Community, but from everyone’s community.  My friends, the people that know me best, had started making phone calls, my story was being circulated.  By the time I was home and safely tucked into bed, back on Twitter, #BewbLuv had trended in 5 different countries, 7 cities in the US and the tweets were still pouring in.

Y’all, awe me, I was completely blown away and knew that you had helped me in a way that I didn’t know I needed, you were able to distract me, entertain and in so many different, creative and simple ways give me the gift of friendship and support.

Within the next couple of days, a new page will be up here…. Simply titled #BewbLuv you will be able to find all the pictures, videos and links to all the blog posts written from that day.

I will be forever grateful to all of you, to the day the Interwebz turned my entire life pink and made my Bewbs famous worldwide.  Thank you!!

Gratitude, Cookies and #BewbLuv

I do not have the words adequate enough to express my thanks and my gratitude for the amazing support and friendships y’all have shown me since my little announcement.  Trust me, I have checked both my thesauruses and neither wielded the words sufficient enough! So, please accept my simple Thank You!!

and, I received…..

 

Bacon cookies!! Err, crumbles!! Thanks, Ted Curtin

Giant Chocolate Chip cookie!!! FTW, Thanks Tim

 

On the heels of my announcement, I’ve decided that in following in the footsteps of chronicling all my major events on Twitter, we need a hashtag (Yes, I am a TwitterAddict), several twitter conversations, couple of texts and consulting with the Elusive Teen….  #BewbLuv has arrived!! ‘Tis true, I do lurve my bewbs and it’s time to get them fixed and all better before Summer and bikini season!!
 
I realize Cancer is scary! I also, know it is awkward and uncomfortable, that people don’t know what to say or what to do! Well, it’s doubly so for me, it’s horrible to share all of this with you. Not because y’all aren’t wonderful, coz you really are but because, I don’t like this focus on me, I am uncomfortable.  So, why am I doing this, why am I being so open with something that makes me cross-eyed and terrifying?  I’d like to say that I am all noble and selfless, but really, I’m not… I’m going to need y’all and I refuse to cower and sob in the corner, even if I do have my fav Princess blankie.  I’m scared and worried.  That being said, I’m also, sharing all of this coz I am not the only person in this place.  I am not the only woman who has been dealt this card.  I will share all the down and dirty in the hopes that perhaps I can comfort someone or even help.  Maybe just maybe, I can ease the mind of someone else, that perhaps my words will lend strength to someone.
 
Soooo, y’all will be getting all the down and dirty, mostly…. there will be no pics!! And, I have elicited promises from a few people to make sure that I am electronic free while drugged up!! I kno, that takes out all the fun, rite?? Don’t worry, I assure you there will be shenanigans and antics galore!! For one thing, I am hoping to gain a few more foursquare mayorships out of this ( I will be changing the names of all my doctors), I am anticipating some good drugs and maybe even a few days where my Mommy cooks my favourite meals for me ( There will be foodie pics)!!
 
Now, the UPDATE…. I got nothing. No, really… turns out you can’t just call a boobie doctor and say “Hey, I haz a sick bewb, can u fit me in next Tuesday before lunch and golf” I am SHOCKED!!! The problem is I don’t have health insurance.  And, while I know Doctors won’t work for free, mostly, I didn’t realize there are other factors.  Other factors, like having a referral, finding out if a doctor is well versed in the latest technology and medical stuff and knowing which questions to ask.  I do, have a referral, and the doctor I went to for the diagnosis is utterly fantastic!! There is a program (I’m to young for most of the programs that assist woman with breast cancer, we aren’t even going to start in on the fact that it’s utterly ridiculous that 40 is the magic number to get breast cancer since obviously you don’t have to be 40 to get it!!) that will help me and yesterday after a minor tech challenge, I was enrolled and given a surgeon.  Great rite? Yes and no…. see I can look up the surgeon and learn about her education and how long she has been in practice, I can also, see that she is not specifically a breast surgeon, that her main practice is general surgery.  That makes me nervous.  I am going to go speak with her, at the sage advice of my friend.  But, I’m afraid, concerned that just because I don’t have health insurance perhaps that maybe I’ll not get the best care.  There is also, the fear that maybe I am not asking the right questions, since I am certain there are more questions I should be asking other than “What kind of drugs do I get and When can I wear my bikini” Yes, people, I am vain enough to be concerned about how I am going to look.  I realize this is a secondary issue but it’s still niggling at me*!!!
 
Also, I have a wonderful friend, who has stepped up and is checking on getting me help from a top doctor in NY.  I have options, I know this.  I am waiting, since that seems to be all I can do and I am staying off Google, it’s possible, I may have wine, too.  I am ok, well, mostly… special thanks to the time spent on the phone yesterday with two different friends that held my hand while I experienced my minor meltdown.  I fully expect to be on the mend no later then the beginning of May, as I have major plans for both May and June!! I will be in Chicago at SOBCon in May and in June after the Elusive Teen graduates from high school, we ( the kids & I) will be moving to New York!! I’m looking for suggestions as to where to live and also, a 3 bedroom place… so if anyone knows of a good place, please holler!!

 

* Thanks for all the offers from my friends who have offered to visually check my bewbs after surgery, I realize the huge sacrifice you are making and appreciate that you are ready to assure me, my girls are still gorgeous!!

 

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