Yesterday was an anniversary of sorts!! I know most people would tell me to celebrate and well, that is tempting! I have a lot to celebrate and to be grateful for. Only this is a bittersweet day….
One year ago, while in NY celebrating Social Media Week with all my friends, I was actually sitting in Dr. AKME’s office. Getting my clear check! This was my final blood draw, my final mammogram and the last time to use the horrid port still in my chest!!
It had been almost a year to the day when I discovered Morte while on a conference trip to Chicago!!
And, in the blink of an eye, I was battling, fighting and my whole world was spun! Then, it was over and I was shedding the side effects of chemo, I was starting again, I was slowly reclaiming my life back from the whole #BewbLuv journey.
A few nail biting hours later and #BewbLuv was OVER. That’s right, the first stage of this changed life of mine was starting. It’s very strange and surreal feeling. This weight was lifted and the fog was clearing and I suddenly found myself in a world that was foreign.
I didn’t know how to feel, I still don’t know how to feel! A good friend of mine, was quick to tell me all throughout #bewbluv and is still telling me, I am not my cancer. I am NOT my cancer.
It’s true, I am not, my cancer. Only, it became a catalyst of sorts. I am not the same person I was last year or even the year before. Of course, we are all constantly changing, never the same people from day to day. The changes I see in myself are all tied to my cancer, the good, the bad and the krazy. The #BewbLuv journey has profoundly and significantly changed me. And, I have discovered that while the disease is gone, it’s not over. It never will be, not only do I carry the scars, I carry a new perspective on humanity, a coloured view of the World and my place in it.
Like most major experiences, in one’s life this experience has left me befuddled and confused and happy. Funny, right, HAPPY, it’s true, though, I am happy and grateful. Add into the mix the residual side effects of the chemo, and I struggle each day to know who I am. Somedays, I am angry, somedays I am giddy and while, I am not lost exactly, I am not on a specific path and spend a good deal of time getting comfortable and confident with the person I am becoming. AWKWARD
I know all my friends will be sending me well wishes and congratulations for my new anniversary! And, for that I am so grateful! You all are wonderful and I am honoured for your support and encouragement. I know for a fact that without you, I would not have done as well as I did, I would not have been as strong and courageous as I was without you!! Thank you