While it seems that I have abruptly made my discovery yesterday, it also, seems that time is dragging, that I should be doing more, that I am getting hung up in a process where I have no say, that I am not doing enough. This is not the case. I know this. My personality is that of a doer, make a Plan A and have Plan B waiting, implement said Plan and be done. This Cancer, is not an Easy Peasy thing. While I feel this sense of urgency, to rid my body of the poison, there are still steps that must be taken before Morte can be removed.
Why, yes, I have named the invading mass, Morte!! And, no before you ask, I can’t keep it once it’s out, not that I would really want to. I don’t understand why people want to keep things removed from their bodies, they asked me the same thing when I had my wisdom teeth removed. Umm, NO! These things caused me pain & aggravation, I don’t want them!!
Sooo, Tuesday was the appointment with the Surgeon, Dr. Quack, well… Dr. Q for short. After having a rather interesting phone conversation with her, I was a little freaked, hence the name. I do think she is a smart woman and does know her stuff, yet the name sticks. I had spoken to her on the phone last week. And, was able to ask some questions, get freaked by some of her information and become more confused. I knew from dealing with all Doctors around getting H diagnosed, that sometimes they forget this is your first time at the Rodeo, that they see this every day and they assume things. I made sure to write things down as she said them, to ask her questions and to tell her STOP when she was going to fast. And, I “may” have scoffed a bit when she suggested that I might want a mastectomy coz it was the fashionable thing to do, after all that is what all the Stars are doing. Ummm, HELLZ NO!! I don’t care what anyone else is doing, I want to do what is best for me and only me. I want you to thoroughly examine my records, discuss options that pertain to my treatment and not tell me what is best for the average person. Yes, I know I am a statistic, don’t make me feel like one!!
I have to admit, I was fine heading to the appointment, I went by myself. Then I got there was handed the stacks of paperwork to fill out and broke out into a cold sweat. All of the sudden, I was there, I was struggling to remember how to spell my name and trying to remember all my medical history. I turned to twitter. I looked to my friends for virtual hand holding. They were there. My phone started buzzing off the hook, tweets, dm’s and texts. My total bestie, Kelly, even sent me a video. The giggles that ensued started to relax me, calm me down.
I was prepared for this appointment. I had my notebook in hand. Questions all laid out. Did I have to remove my nail polish? No! Did I get good drugs? Yes. Could I still go to Chicago in 2 weeks? Probably. Priorities, people, ask the important ones first. Joking aside, thanks to another amazing friend, I was able to have a conversation with one of the top breast surgeons before my appointment and she (took an hour from her family on a Sunday) gave me the questions to ask and why I was asking them. And ask them I did.
Sooo, the nitty gritty…. I’m special! I kno, y’all know that… yet, even more proof!! With no family history of breast cancer and being under 40 this puts me in a small class. There are some advantages of this, of course, better survival rate and the cancer isn’t genetic. Also, more than likely I will just have to take some pills for the next several months to make sure it doesn’t come back. No radiation and no chemo. Altho, that could change after I see the two oncologists about 3 weeks from now. Now for the rub, I am not really well endowed, something that I have been ok with. I’m not a big girl, I have finally accepted this. Not that I haven’t given up hope of growing two inches to the glorious height of 5’6″ rather than my meager 5’4 & 1/2… that being said, Morte is rather large and occupying significant space in my left breast. And is not that perfect round mass, no, more oblong shaped with fingers, like a spider (shudder). That combined with my size, it was probable heading into Dr. Q’s I would need a mastectomy ( Yea!! New Bewbs) and increased recovery time ( Boo). I really wanted to avoid that. Not coz I’m uber attached to my left bewb but coz I want this to be easy, err. easier. Soo, the good news, Dr. Q thinks she can get it all with just what they call a partial mastectomy. Now, before you get all teared up… just know it’s really a lumpectomy but as is the way with the government and smarty-pants doctors there are guidelines and details for how everything is labeled. My label is Stage 2 (Ohh, an upgrade) breast cancer with a partial mastectomy( They base this on size, not my size, Morte’s size). I’m not really good with being labeled, so I’m just going with Morte has got to go!!
After hours and hours at Dr. Q’s ( I only had to wear the horrid, clashing pink paper for a little bit), consulting with her, the surgery scheduler lady, my own personal surgery concierge, giving blood and other assorted tests, Surgery will be Monday. It’s going to be an all day kinda thing. They already told me I couldn’t bring my laptop or my Ipad but I will have some time that I can have my phone to tweet before they put me under. They have to run some tests and inject some dye before the surgery which is why it’s going to take so looooooong. Also, I can’t have any coffee, at all, NONE!!
Soooo, I will be getting a mani/pedi this weekend, I went yesterday and got a new lip gloss and even a new outfit to wear. New lip gloss always adds a little shimmer to everyone’s day!! I’m cutting back on the coffee so that I don’t get the raging headache on top of the drug hangover and bewb pain. I have promised Liz to be totally uncomplicated next week so that I get cleared to travel. My kids are prepped to cater to my every whim or call 911 and I have lots and lots of pain medication. And, I have the most wonderful amazing friends that love me and will be cheering me on in various ways. I think I’m set.