D.B.C

We live in the country, as many of you know, we have animals.  We don’t even have really bizarre or wild animals.  There are ducks, chickens and guinea hens.  Actually there are 13 ducks, 7 chickens, 1 rooster and 20 guinea hens.  For the most part, the birds run loose over our 15 acres of country free ranging!  Guinea hens are bizarre bird-chicken like creatures that eat bugs and roses but only red roses!!  I don’t know why only the red ones since we have 10 different varieties but those are the only ones.  The ducks prefer the orange ones and the chickens don’t like them at all.  Anyway I digress, all these birds means eggs, lots of eggs.  We eat the chicken eggs, the dogs get the duck eggs (it helps their coats be silky smooth) and the guinea eggs we don’t do anything with those.  Occasionally the ducks try to have nests and wanna hatch those suckers.  This is where I come in; I am the official duck birth control (DBC).  This doesn’t have to be done with the chickens cause my solo rooster, Don King is shooting blanks and totally useless in that regards.  Yes, all the ducks and chickens have names; there is even a Daisy Duck.

At night when we lock all the birds up in their vault, we count and if we are missing someone we must beat bushes and find the fertile female and shoo her off her nest.  She is most angry and ungrateful with this and commences with hissing and flapping her wings. The eggs are then confiscated and disposed off.  Why, pray tell, you ask?  Well, cause, you know, we don’t want any babies. Ducks hatch anywhere between 11 and 14 ducklings off a nest and they are cute and fuzzy and fun to play with but really, do we need that many more ducks?? Uhhh HELL NO!!!

We had baby ducks last year, 11 to be exact.  We lost several for various reasons; the trout in the pond are particular fond of fresh baby duck and another few were snacks for whatever wild critter was hungry.  Only 7 survived to join or lovely little tribe so this year we decided to employ DBC and somehow that job fell to me, apparently I am the best suited as a form of birth control.  I totally refuse to look at any hidden implications that may be inferred by this assignment.  I have already cleared out 4 nests from the poor unsuspecting mama ducks, tonite was my 5th.

I sorta feel kind of bad about the whole thing and I really like the baby ducks yet, at the same time I feel that I am helping the ecosystem (none of the ducks can fly) by not overpopulating our small pond. Either way, I am highly amused by the whole situation.

Can I put this on my resume?

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